Blank Canvas

Sometimes you just feel like your life is a battle. Every day brings a new set of challenges and fears.

We tend to compare our lives to those around us . I mean it’s difficult not to with social media sites with lots of perfect pictures of perfect people with very perfect lives.

Let me assure you that those people are just creating an image of what they think life should look like, everyone at some point has or will have trials and tribulations of some kind, perhaps financial, family or health etc

Life is an emotional roller-coaster.  There’s a saying that we have to experience the bad things to appreciate the good things. I believe this to a certain extent .

Over the years I’ve had many different experiences.  I tend to compare my life to chapters in a book or a music album from a favourite artist. Some parts can be excruciatingly difficult to see or hear but equally some are amazing . If I get an album I tend to just play the songs I like skipping the ones I don’t. Or if I’m reading I’m eager to get to the good part, see how the story ends……

The bad stuff that happens in your /everyone’s life can’t be erased but you don’t need to focus on it that is a choice, something that you CAN control; we can control what we take from a negative experience and learn from it , get stronger from it and then leave it in the past.

I know it’s not just that easy believe me as it’s taken me years to change my way of thinking but it is possible.

I became disabled 12 years ago and for the first few years my mindset was very negative. I thought my life was over as I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do anymore. I carried a lot of guilt regarding not being the mother I felt I should be. I felt very sorry for myself and those around me.

One day I just directed my thoughts from focusing on what I couldn’t do to the things I could. When you are disabled you can do almost the same as anyone else. You may need adaptions, assistance, equipment etc. You may not be able to endure things for as long or the same intensity but you will be amazed at what you can do.

Regarding being a parent you will always be just that to your children. They will return their love to someone that loves them and it is unconditional.

October ’21 my health took a turn for the worst with my disabilities becoming more complex. After being in hospital for several months, I admit I was very worried at how things were going to change at home or in my life. Bit by bit I’m adapting to my abilities and learning to do more with what I can.

I’m by no means a special person, anyone can do this. You just need to retrain your thought process. Look at how you can move on from a shit situation to make things a little better or more manageable. As I said before everyone has bad things happening in all areas of life . You look at what you CAN change, not what you CAN’T.

The reason I called this blog ‘ Blank Canvas ‘ is because I wrote a poem about this years ago. I wanted to share this again with you.

Even though this mindset is something that you need to initiate yourself, that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. There are professionals, friends and family that will support you.

This blog isn’t just about health issues you can use this way of thinking on every aspect of your life.

The other thing you must do is be kind to yourself. Take moments to enjoy your own company. Think about things you want to do and think about how you can make them happen. Try all new things don’t be afraid.

To finish my poem called ‘Blank Canvas’ hope you enjoy.

Who am I?
A mother a wife ,
Someone from another life….
I haven’t got a clue.
Have you?

When I was little I was all alone,
Aged 17 i left home, around the world I roamed.
Having so much fun,
Much more confident I had become.

I went Sailing on the sea,
Young single so happy and carefree.
Feeling in control,
Yet no plans with life I’d just roll.

Maybe that’s life’s mystery,
The way to be ultimately happy.
Not to plan too far ahead ,
To see what happens instead.

Fell in love and started a family,
Lots of adventures we were very happy.
I had painted a picture,
Of how I wanted my future.

Illness and disability ruined that dream,
Or I could say my canvas has been wiped clean?
But who am I, how do I re start ,
I’m not 17 I’m middle aged it’s hard.

I have a blank canvass the choice is mine,
Find myself…. learn to live or just wait to die.

Much love my freinds,

From yours truly, Joanne Quinnell

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