Gasping for Air

I can’t breathe or think clearly because I’m suffercating in my own emotions and thoughts

A blanket of fear , guilt, inadequacy, hopelessness has covered my face

At first I fight it , but I’m so tired i don’t have the strength to keep running this race

I just want it to stop …..

All my thoughts to go quiet and stop making me work so hard

To drift off to sleep, the storm in my head to go calm .

I tried ,I did but how much can one person take.

One thing after another ,my mind just never gets a break.

I just wanted to be a good mum and enjoy my life with my kids

Illness and disabilities prevent me from doing all of this

Confidence lost replaced with nothing but guilt and disappointment

The feelings of failure ,I have no future . I wanted more than this for myself and my kids.

The vicious cycle keeps going around,

I’m so tired , lonely, no friends or comfort to be found.

I’m struggling to do this anymore

Not finding many reasons to breathe or keep fighting for.

Like a pawn that’s not needed in a game of chess

Maybe it would be easier if I sacrificed myself to help win the game make it easier for everyone else I guess

All I know is that I’m struggling to breathe

I feel so alone I don’t know what I need.

Joanne Quinnell

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