I’m really doing my best to be positive. I really am trying. In the long run with my condition where does being positive get me ?
Will i ever feel like a person who’s happy enough, satisfied with the broken body that i have been left with? Is that ever going to be good enough.
Am i ever going to feel like a wife again. Rather than someone that needs helping all the time. Will my husband kiss me in the aisle of a shop just to embarrass me. Now i could sit in my chair all day and not get noticed.
I can cope with never having that or losing most of my friends when i got sick but the thought of failing my kids hurts so much.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this .. this was not how my story ends. We were supposed to go travelling around Europe. I was supposed to be teaching my kids how to sail . I can’t even cope with organizing a party for my daughter . I don’t want to get it wrong. I feel so bad as a parent. My kids deserve the world and they got me.
So tonight I’ll cry and cry then tomorrow I’ll pick myself back up and do my best to salvage what i can of my children’s lives and try and keep getting stronger so i can do more with them. I feel that i am broken and that is that .